ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
