He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize