I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
