OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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