The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You did what with his pubic hair?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
