..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
