Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
