stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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