nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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