Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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