I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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