sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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