I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
