His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
