Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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