So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
