We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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