The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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