K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
