At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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