at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
