He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
