So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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