Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
