Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
