I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
In America we eat man semen.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
