I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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