dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
