apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
