Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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