yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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