i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
