Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
