I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
