I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
