Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
