No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
