so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i love accidental penises.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
