barbara walters just said penis...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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