well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
