There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
