i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
