i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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