I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
