that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
