alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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