I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So much rum. So many feels.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
