omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
