The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
