i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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