He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
