i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
