oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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