hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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