bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
