areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
