Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
