Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
