I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
