I wish I could teleport
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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