you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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