The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wear drunk well.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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