I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
