just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
