The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Drunk is not a location!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
