I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
