Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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