I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
only you would photoshop your dick
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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