Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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