My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
