Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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