I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
