I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
