i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
