I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
