Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Never joke about your clitoris.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
